Happy third birthday to my beautiful baby boy!

I Really cant believe that my baby was born 3 years ago. It only feels like yesterday that I was blessed to have those few precious hours where I got to hold his still lifeless body in my arms. I remember it like yesterday but yet so much has happened since that event . It is an event . A turning point in ones life that changes you forever and ever . You are never the same person after you experience such an event and for the most part most people (and I say most) take these experiences and become better people out of it . They gain strength and empathy for others and look at the world from almost a different pair of eyes . I guess these events alter your soul and well the eyes are the window to your soul so it makes sense that your perception of life is changed forever.

Michael did just that for me. He changed the way I saw things , He made me appreciate those that are dear to me even more than i did before and he taught me about me ! I learned so much about my self the first 12 mths and found an inner strength that i didn't know I had and for that his birthday will always be remember.

 

 

this one got stuck in a tree before eventually flying off !

I decided to mark his birthday this year by naming a star after my precious boy ! I can wait ti receive the co-ordinates . I explained to Michael's brothers that now Michael will always be shining down on them and all they would have to do is look at the stars. Eva , Vince and I also made the trip to the cemetery and at nite the boys made a cake for him and we release some balloons for him.

Its a special day but for a mother I can honestly say it hasn't gotten easier. It really hit home today that I was going to the cemetery to visit my boy on his birthday! It just felt so wrong ..so not right and I really felt this overwhelming anger at the fact that I had to go there to be with him. NO parent should have to go to the cemetery to be with their child ! Its not meant to work that way and just felt so wrong. But this is life and this is my story ! And I know logically he is not there as I felt his presence around me all day!

I just wish ..just for one moment , one split second that my family could be together ! I guess that is every mothers wish to have her children with her . And I guess at some point it will happen . Not right now but we we all will be together one day surrounded by those that love us .

Until then my precious boy! I will love you forever. You are a part of me that I had to let go way too soon . I know that that bond will never be broken and in time things will be as they should be . Happy 3rd birthday cheeky boy! I love you xxxx Mummy

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Acknowlegement!

It means so much when people have the courage to bring up my baby and mention Michaels name. It means alot when I hear his name and I love talking about !

I guess we are in a different generation where its ok to talk about it now. My mums era ..these thing were just not spoken of .

My cousin messaged me the other day when her eight year old daughter saw a post by me on my facebook refering to Michael . She asked her mum who Michael was and her mum explained to he that he was my son and allowed her to read the blog ! She later told her mum that she wanted to do something special Michael cause he is her cousin too! It brought a tear to her to my eye. Yet made me so happy cause she acknowledged him this way . Sometime Children have a way have knowing what to do more than us adults . She is is special !

TODAY!

Life is so precious but no matter how much life throws at you and how overwhelming your life experiences are ....we all continue with our day to day and take it for granted .I guess that's what makes us human ! We get caught up in the process you call life and just don't realise that moment... that very second could be your last . Or when you caught a  glimps of something/someone...   that would be the last time you ever saw them in that way ! The next time you see them the story may be different !

This day the 6th of December reminds me how precious life is and how quickly what you expect to happen may just never happen and how something else ...another story may be the out come and sometimes the story does not always have a fairy tale ending.

This story began six yrs ago . On the 3rd of December 2004 . I decided to hold a lunch for my girlfriend Sharene who was expecting her second child. Sharene was to be induced on the Monday so we thought we would get together to celebrate the coming of her second child . I was very excited for Sharene .  I too had recently had my second child and looked forward to sharing that experience with her . I 'd invited some of our dearest friends and we had a really nice after noon . Being towards the end of her pregnancy Sharene did look really tired so after a nice lunch, to decided to gather Riley her eldest son and head on home . She started getting Riley into the car and was about to get into the seat and i called out to her "Sharene I didnt give you a kiss" ..She smiled at me and said don't worry I'll see you ..And I said yes I'll see you on Monday. I let her go with out giving her  hug and kiss and that is something I will regret forever.

She was on my mind quite a bit over the weekend. The one thing I do remember about her pregnancy was that she was quite apprehensive.  She was nervous and told me that on several occasions. On the Sunday evening I had this urge to call her but time got away from me and with two demanding babies by the time I got around to making the call it was too late . Again I thought I'll speak to her tomorrow. I whilst tomorrow came that conversation never did!

She was to be induced early Monday morning ! So I didn't expect to hear from her till late after noon but as time went by and the phone didn't ring .I did start to worry but thought that her labour just went longer then expected !But as Tuesday morning dawned and still no messages or phone call I thought Id make a call.

I called Sharenes phone . No Answer . I called her husbands phone No answer and after several attempts I decided to call the hospital who had informed me she was in ICU but could not give me any details. I was instantly alarmed and left a message for David to call me.

David finally called me back and to my horror explained that things had gone horribly wrong and both Sharene and her precious baby luke where in a critical condition and he wasn't sure if either would make it. He explained that Sharene had suffered an amniotic fluid embolism and as a result was in a critical condition as was her beautiful boy Luke. After a long battle and a strong fight Luke passed on the 21st of December and Sharene made her journey home on the 31st .That month my life changed forever and I learnt the value of life and how precious it is and how ..with no notice at all your life could change forever. I miss you Sharene and I know we will see each other again but in the mean time I hope you have eternal happiness with your precious baby Luke and I know My boy Michael is in your care until I can hold him.

Today I also learnt of another family that has suffered a tragedy with a severe injury of their baby boy who was accidentally run over by a lawnmower and consequently lost a limb. My heart aches for this family and my thoughts and prayers are with them. Being a mother and even a mother that has a baby on the other side . I Still take may children for granted . Why do I do that. I know how precious they are yet I still get caught up in my day to day ....and today yet again I am reminded how fortunate and blessed I am to have my four children. And whilst I'm not here to pretend that I am anything but human or don't have flaws of my own I am going to try and not disregard any of the precious moments I have with my children .I am going to try and remember the lesson TODAY has taught me . The valuable lesson on the mortality of life .