Grief rears its ugly head

Today I am really missing my precious boy . So much drama is happening around my life at the moment mostly good but some not so nice experiences but when I take a deep breath and really allow my self to feel I realise that this is all about my precious son . I guess a year on the days are brighter and the grief are less intense but today my feelings are very real. I am missing my little man oh so much and I really wonder would life be different if he were here . Its so hard to explain to people the intense grief you feel when you loose a child . When your hopes for your child are buried with them . It does ease but sometimes the grief does resurface and almost that just a tad more intense then the last. My heart is aching today. But when I get in these moods I think of my children and how fantastic they are and then I move on to think of their dad.

I Read somewhere that when you loose a parent you grieve your past , but when your child dies you loose/grieve your future. I have lost a child but thankfully have my parents around who have supported me but My husband has had the pain of experiencing both .Both his parents died very young and very very tragically. I wish I could take this pain away from him I wish that we as a married couple have not experienced so much in life .Sometimes I really do wonder how we as a couple have made it this far . His father passed a year before we got married and his mother passed very suddenly 3 mths after Giovanni was born. My dear Friend Sharene and her son past just after Nicholas was born and then we lost Michael. We have grieved individually and we have grieved together and everytime you grief rears its ugly head in feels like it is compounding. But am aware and grateful for every low we have experienced, we have had many many highs and I guess this is what got us through. But my heart goes out to him. He has suffered the most out of everyone I know. I really feel for him.

The blessing of a precious Godson

When our friends Sandra and Limbert came over in early Jan the last thing we expected was that they were to ask us to be their beautiful sons godparents. So you can imagine how surprised we were . We were so happy and so excited and couldn't wait till the day.

So Saturday was the day and we had such a wonderful day. I got to dress the special man in his wonderful suit and Vince got to hold Jason for most part of the day. He was a little restless during the ceremony being a big boy all he wanted to do was walk around ,So strong godfather Vince had a battle on his hands to keep him still for the blessing but he managed and as soon as Jason was set free he ran off and played happily.

Afterwards Sandra organised a wonderful dinner were we had a great time . It was such a lovely day all round. We were welcomed into the family by everyone and were initiated by the tradtional Bolivian dance. Not a good thing to look at considering both Vince and I have two left feet but enjoyable none the less.

Thank you Jason for allowing us this honour to be your godparents. I hope we can live up to this responsibility and want you to know that we are always here no matter what.

Happy Birthday Vince

Yesterday we celebrated Vince's 33rd birthday. He didn't get to relax entirely cause he still had to take Giovanni to soccer but then we went out for a special lunch a hurricanes where he feasted on a very LARGE Rack of ribs . So you can imagine how large it was if Vinnie struggled to eat it ..I didn't get a photo and really regret it now cause not only was he eating this massive plate of ribs but he also had to wear a bib ....It was so funny

Anyhow Hope he had a wonder birthday. I really want to take this opportunity to again thank my beautiful husband with the strength of a lion but a heart of gold from the bottom of my heart for being my husband, always supporting me and working so hard and putting me and the children first always. I know life has been hard my love but I really hope you find Joy in this beautiful family we have together . I m so grateful that we have you and that we are always your priority. I could not have made it through the last 12 mths without you...

So Happy Birthday my precious man from Me! and your three angels Giovanni, Nicholas and Michael. WE ALL LOVE YOU.