Missing you

I haven't written here for a while and really felt the need to write. I always used my blog as a way of connecting with my boy and I guess being a little disconnected at the moment due to the fact I studying for my upcoming exams, this is a tangible way to connect. Today I saw my beautiful niece being baptized. And to be honest seeing these little babies in their beautiful white gowns always reminds me of what I missed out on with my baby boy. For the most part these days, I feel at peace with the situation and have accepted that Michael will always be the child that I share this special spiritual connection with but sometimes I just want him in my arms. Yes Michael,  mummy just wants you in her arms. And although I know this is not logical , tonite my heart is aching for you. And tonight I wish things were different. But there not, you not here and so life goes on and that we do,  Get on with life. We may not get out to the cemetary   much these days and yes there are those that judge us for it but know Michael you are always in my heart . Never forgotten and I know your not really there anyway my blue bird. I saw you fly by me when I went for my walk this week . ❤ Love mummy 

Happy 5th birthday to my angel ! Always in my heart x

As sure as the sun will rise tomorrow ,
As sure as the moon will set , that day too,
As sure as I will wake in morning
I will be sure to think of you .


5 years ago I had the honour,
To hold you in my arms .
5 years ago I said goodbye,
With that you took my heart .

So I lay here little angel,
With tears of gratitude and joy.
Forever thankful for having held you once
My angel baby boy .

5 years ago

So this time five years ago we found out you were really ill ! I really struggle this time of year my boy ! Rehashing the events of that many years ago you'd think I'd be ok , over it ! This us something you never get over ! How do you forget a child you only held for a moment but should have been a lifetime ! This not the natural order if life . This is not the way it's meant to be .

But it is the way it is ! I'm here ! You are there and only you know how much I miss you ! Love you x thank you for all the signs x