Saturday, December 24, 2011
This is a poem i wrote Michaels first xmas in heaven . The emotions are still the same but the pain a little easier. If I had a xmas wish is would be that he br here with us on earth for just one day . We miss you little boy and love you always ! Merry Merry Xmas
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Michael this Christmas was to be your first
And my heart aches for you.
I have your precious brothers with me
But I am incomplete without you
A time of Miracles, a time for Joy
But I cannot see …
beyond the fact, and the hard cold truth
I will not have my baby boy with me
Everyone expects mummy to be ok
“you need to be for your other children’s sake”
But my heart is so empty, I miss you so much
I wish you were here when I wake
In spirit you are with us
They all say
But I will not hold you , see you
This christmas day .
Rita
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Its been a while since ive written on here and with my sons fourth birthday looming and the energy of 2012, the last two weeks i have been somewhat reflective on the events and lessons of the last four years.
If Michael has taught me anything , its the fact that life is too short and that as the days seem to go quicker and the years appear to be shorter , the more and more I realise that I owe it to my precious boy to honour my life and the little time I have here .
Something has come over me and I have completely realised that its time to be true to myself and to be true to who I am an what I want from life.
I think we spend so much of our lives trying to please , trying to be something that we are not , for the sake of people liking you and perhaps for the sake of 'peace' . But when you are not at peace in side , when your inner world is in complete turmoil , how do you continue to justify living a life that is not real ....
Life is too short to fight these inner battles.
I owe it to me , Michael and my beautiful family to be true to myself and although I am about to make a decision yet again that has not been made lightly , I have survived having to make the toughest decision a parent would have to make . So this decision in comparison to having to say good bye to my beautiful boy is really insignificant.
So I have decided to be done with the drama .Done with not being me. Done with trying to please others at the expense of myself respect and moving forward from here , i will find peace for being me.
2012 is the end ..Not the end of the world but the end of life as I know it ! The end of the games , drama and toxic people who create it . Time to be free .
If Michael has taught me anything , its the fact that life is too short and that as the days seem to go quicker and the years appear to be shorter , the more and more I realise that I owe it to my precious boy to honour my life and the little time I have here .
Something has come over me and I have completely realised that its time to be true to myself and to be true to who I am an what I want from life.
I think we spend so much of our lives trying to please , trying to be something that we are not , for the sake of people liking you and perhaps for the sake of 'peace' . But when you are not at peace in side , when your inner world is in complete turmoil , how do you continue to justify living a life that is not real ....
Life is too short to fight these inner battles.
I owe it to me , Michael and my beautiful family to be true to myself and although I am about to make a decision yet again that has not been made lightly , I have survived having to make the toughest decision a parent would have to make . So this decision in comparison to having to say good bye to my beautiful boy is really insignificant.
So I have decided to be done with the drama .Done with not being me. Done with trying to please others at the expense of myself respect and moving forward from here , i will find peace for being me.
2012 is the end ..Not the end of the world but the end of life as I know it ! The end of the games , drama and toxic people who create it . Time to be free .
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