Friday, March 27, 2009

Grief rears its ugly head

Today I am really missing my precious boy . So much drama is happening around my life at the moment mostly good but some not so nice experiences but when I take a deep breath and really allow my self to feel I realise that this is all about my precious son . I guess a year on the days are brighter and the grief are less intense but today my feelings are very real. I am missing my little man oh so much and I really wonder would life be different if he were here . Its so hard to explain to people the intense grief you feel when you loose a child . When your hopes for your child are buried with them . It does ease but sometimes the grief does resurface and almost that just a tad more intense then the last. My heart is aching today. But when I get in these moods I think of my children and how fantastic they are and then I move on to think of their dad.

I Read somewhere that when you loose a parent you grieve your past , but when your child dies you loose/grieve your future. I have lost a child but thankfully have my parents around who have supported me but My husband has had the pain of experiencing both .Both his parents died very young and very very tragically. I wish I could take this pain away from him I wish that we as a married couple have not experienced so much in life .Sometimes I really do wonder how we as a couple have made it this far . His father passed a year before we got married and his mother passed very suddenly 3 mths after Giovanni was born. My dear Friend Sharene and her son past just after Nicholas was born and then we lost Michael. We have grieved individually and we have grieved together and everytime you grief rears its ugly head in feels like it is compounding. But am aware and grateful for every low we have experienced, we have had many many highs and I guess this is what got us through. But my heart goes out to him. He has suffered the most out of everyone I know. I really feel for him.