Saturday, December 24, 2011

This is a poem i wrote Michaels first xmas in heaven . The emotions are still the same but the pain a little easier. If I had a xmas wish is would be that he br here with us on earth for just one day . We miss you little boy and love you always ! Merry Merry Xmas


Michael this Christmas was to be your first

And my heart aches for you.

I have your precious brothers with me

But I am incomplete without you

A time of Miracles, a time for Joy

But I cannot see …

beyond the fact, and the hard cold truth

I will not have my baby boy with me

Everyone expects mummy to be ok

“you need to be for your other children’s sake”

But my heart is so empty, I miss you so much

I wish you were here when I wake

In spirit you are with us

They all say

But I will not hold you , see you

This christmas day .


Saturday, December 17, 2011

Its been a while since ive written on here and with my sons fourth birthday looming and the energy of 2012, the last two weeks i have been somewhat reflective on the events and lessons of the last four years.

If Michael has taught me anything , its the fact that life is too short and that as the days seem to go quicker and the years appear to be shorter , the more and more I realise that  I owe it to my precious boy to honour my life and the little time I have here .

Something has come over me and I have completely realised that its time to be true to myself and to be true to who I am an what I want from life.

I think we spend so much of our lives trying to please , trying to be something that we are not , for the sake of people liking you and perhaps for the sake of 'peace' . But when you are not at peace in side , when your inner world is in complete turmoil , how do you continue to justify living a life that is not real ....

Life is too short to fight these inner battles.

I owe it to me , Michael and my beautiful family to be true to myself and although I am about to make a decision yet again that has not been made lightly , I have survived having to make the toughest decision a parent would have to make . So this decision in comparison to having to say good bye to my beautiful boy is really insignificant.

So I have decided to be done with the drama .Done with not being me. Done with trying to please others at the expense of myself respect and moving forward from here , i will find peace for being me.

2012 is the end ..Not the end of the world but the end of life as I know it ! The end of the games , drama and toxic people who create it . Time to be free .