Saturday, December 21, 2013

A Christmas gift from an Angel

Well there are two angels involved in this story . The person who facilitated this and my baby who under no uncertain circumstances always reminds me how much he loves me and the fact that he is always around.

I am writing this blog post not only to share with you all my story and yes this blog serves a personal purpose for me,  in that it keeps a log of all the beautiful connections I have from time to time with my baby but also to remind so many of you (and a few people on my friends list come to mind who have lost there loved ones recently) that they are in fact always around.

Do I believe this?

Always!!! Without a doubt and I know that the recently bereaved are told this all the time as a way to somehow reduce the pain they are experiencing but I am telling you first hand that they are, and being open and believing is the key to noticing their signs.

I have been fortunate enough to be reminded in so many ways that Michael is with me . But the way and the timing he does this still amazes me. I often say to Vince for such a little baby, who was born but never took a breath on this earth, he is such an amazing , powerful little man to orchestrate a chain of events to always get these precious gifts to me.

The best way for me to tell this story is to directly reveal the message that was sent to me by a very special earth Angel called Magda (I know she won't mind me sharing cause I have asked her permission) .

Earlier this month I received this message in my in box

"Hi Rita how are u? I have to tell u a little story to explain something that I have to give u . I must sound strange but I've been putting it off as I didn't know how to tell u about what happened one day when I was shopping at "masters" . OK ... I was having sad day a few months back and I went to masters to buy a flower to plant . I was looking around and this worker was pushing a loaded flat trolley with pots, plants, rocks etc . As he walked passed me a box fell at my feet ... I couldn't tell what was in it as it was upside down. I was going to pick it up but the guy beat me to it and apologised for dropping it on me. When I was going to pick it up ( you popped into my head & I had a strong sense of you ) .... I picked my plant and instead of going to the cash register I was being pulled in a different direction . I walked over to where the guy had left the trolley and without touching anything the box fell at my feet again & that same feeling of u . I bought the box - it has 3 stones in it each with something written on them . I bought another box for myself and have yours in a bag. I have had it for a few months and I didn't know how to approach you and tell u . I'm sorry it's taken me so long to message u , but I know these stones belong to u and I would like to give them to u . After I left from the shops I felt so clam and my sadness turned to understanding and I could breathe again . For whatever reason it was a message from something beyond my understanding but I am a believer . "

When I met up with Magda, seeing her face when she was explaining to me again, what had happened was so amazing. But I can't tell her how grateful I am that she chose to tell me. These events happened back in August but Magda felt it wasn't the right time to give to me and she trusted her guidance. She was right.

August 2013 was a time in my life when a very dark time/association of my past had resurfaced. The last few months as a result have been quite intense emotionally as I worked through my past and worked through the anger associated with it. Facing this part of yourself is so confronting and frightening.  With this, came a few dark soul searching moments which again taught me so much and in the end my heart and the power of forgiveness (well and truly) led me to letting it all go and coming to peace with the events. This only happened late November. So Magda was right. The timing for me to receive this gift back in August was not right.

When I met up with Magda she  proceeded to tell me how Michael had touched her and how honoured she was that he chose her as a channel to get these gifts to me. And this is what I received.

You could imagine, just when I had closed a very painful chapter in my life, to receive this from my baby, my angel was so profound. And again the timing!

So I guess the pictures says it all.

Thank you so much Magda for what you did for me.  And I Can't wait to take you to Michaels grave. It means so much to me that my precious baby is acknowledged and remembered.

And to my baby, my angel. I love you more than words can say and I just want you to know that mummy is ready !

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Missing you

I haven't written here for a while and really felt the need to write. I always used my blog as a way of connecting with my boy and I guess being a little disconnected at the moment due to the fact I studying for my upcoming exams, this is a tangible way to connect. Today I saw my beautiful niece being baptized. And to be honest seeing these little babies in their beautiful white gowns always reminds me of what I missed out on with my baby boy. For the most part these days, I feel at peace with the situation and have accepted that Michael will always be the child that I share this special spiritual connection with but sometimes I just want him in my arms. Yes Michael,  mummy just wants you in her arms. And although I know this is not logical , tonite my heart is aching for you. And tonight I wish things were different. But there not, you not here and so life goes on and that we do,  Get on with life. We may not get out to the cemetary   much these days and yes there are those that judge us for it but know Michael you are always in my heart . Never forgotten and I know your not really there anyway my blue bird. I saw you fly by me when I went for my walk this week . ❤ Love mummy 

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Happy 5th birthday to my angel ! Always in my heart x

As sure as the sun will rise tomorrow ,
As sure as the moon will set , that day too,
As sure as I will wake in morning
I will be sure to think of you .

5 years ago I had the honour,
To hold you in my arms .
5 years ago I said goodbye,
With that you took my heart .

So I lay here little angel,
With tears of gratitude and joy.
Forever thankful for having held you once
My angel baby boy .

Friday, January 25, 2013

5 years ago

So this time five years ago we found out you were really ill ! I really struggle this time of year my boy ! Rehashing the events of that many years ago you'd think I'd be ok , over it ! This us something you never get over ! How do you forget a child you only held for a moment but should have been a lifetime ! This not the natural order if life . This is not the way it's meant to be .

But it is the way it is ! I'm here ! You are there and only you know how much I miss you ! Love you x thank you for all the signs x