Thursday, February 4, 2016

Michaels 8th birthday

This time of year never gets easier but the blessings and learnings keep on coming. I will always miss you. I was going into Labour this time eight years ago . It was never meant to be this way. But funny enough everything is as its meant to be. Our journey together should not have ended there but then on the other hand I would not be who I am if it were not for you and this experience. Sadness and gratitude all at once. Bittersweet emotions all at once. You taught me the true meaning of duality, of mothering and of life. For this I am eternally grateful and whilst every day I feel the void you left behind, I am fulfilled knowing you are in a better place.

We played this song at Michaels funeral. It will always takes me back to that moment . We have all named the song as 'Michael's song' .To this day it sums up how we felt. Just one of the many ways I feel close to him. I knew back then that he was my gift ( as are all my children) but with Michael the gifts where profound. My life was made in these small hours.  This little wonder. I will never forget.
I am one of the many mothers who has the privilege to mother an angel. Love to all that are parenting an angel and who are parenting children that are missing their angel siblings.
One of the hardest things is dealing with the grief of your children. The tears in my boys eyes are still very real and raw on days like today. They too long to play with their brother. Even Eva misses him even though she was not born when this event took place. She speaks of him often. She cannot wait to come home this afternoon and bake him some cupcakes. And  then there is Vince.  Well to Vince, he is boy that he never got to take to soccer. Never got to rumble and play with. A son that he too longs to hold.
Michael is and will always be a big part of our life. And although we don't get out to the cemetery as often as we would like, we know he is around us.

 I love you and miss you forever my baby boy Michael.

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