Happy 2nd birthday Michael

During the lead up to Michaels Birthday again I could nothelp relive the days leading up to the day we let Michael go. Australia day reminded me of the heartache we felt during the wait for Michaels results and memories of what was such a traumatic time started to play havic with my emotions.

But Thursday last week Michaels plant which a dear friend gave me began to flower and not one flower but 2 which I beleive it was Michaels way of telling me in the lead up to his second birthday ..that he was ok. We were all so excited to see the Little Gem Magnolia flower for the first time.

Today was my babies 2nd birthday . Mum and dad went to the cemetary and spent about and hr with our son. Evangeline came with us but the boys went to school. With the rain I shed tears for my son but at the same time realised he was in a better place. Whilst I miss him everyday I know that he is having a better life then he ever would have on this earth. And for this very reason I have to be happy for him.

I think of what he would have looked like as a two year old . Probably a combination of Giovanni and Nicholas..Although he looked alot like Nicholas when he was born. Sometimes I stare at Evangeline when she is sleeping and I see so much resembalance to Michael.

Tonite with the boys we shall celebrate Michaels big day with a cake and let 6 balloons to the heavens ..one for every member of our family .

This time of year never gets easier.

Happy birthdayu sweet angel . Mum loves you forever . As you play amongst the angel in heaven think of Mummy , Daddy , Giovanni and Nicholas and Evangeline xxx

Evangeline Marie

Our precious girl. is finally with us! Evangeline Marie Panuccio decided to be born to this word on the 19th of November 2009. We are so greatful and happy to have our princess with us and the boys couldnt be more excited.

She was 3110g and 49cm long and absolutley gorgeous. We love her soooooo much.

We are so grateful to precoius boy Michael ,cause without him we wouldnt have aour precious girl here with us. I miss you Michael more and more every day and having evangeline in our life as made us so happy but somehow made me realise even more what I missed out on with you. Mummy loves you forever and until you are in my arms my heart will not be complete. I know have 4 beautiful children, 3 here and one in the spirit world and for that I am eternally grateful. I know one day we will all be together. Until then ....I will always carry you in my heart!

7 weeks to go

Its been a while since I have blogged..and I guess for the most part its been a little hard to sit here during this pregnancy .

I only have 7 weeks to go and feeling quite tired and sore but at the same time so excitied. But my thoughts are with my precious baby michael. I miss you my little one and as we prepare for you little sister ..a blessing I know you sent to us I cant help think of you. Wishing I brought you home and wishing you were here to. The thoughts and hopes for your sister have eased the pain in my heart for you but my fears are there.

What if I dont bring this baby home. ...But I will..Iknow i will. I cant wait to have your sister in my hands but I know my thoughts will also be with you.

I have been thinking about my gorgeous friend Sharene also. Loosing her life during child birth was such a traumatic shock for all of us that loved her. And as I prepare for my unborn child I cant help but think ..sharene did that too ..She had everything reaady and never got to come home. My heart breaks for her and her precious angel baby luke.

I know that its a time I need to remain positive and know in my heart that all will be fine but I know my fears are starting to play havic with my emotions. Thankfully I have so many people around that love and support me...And my precious boys and gorgeous husband are what get me through..I cant wait to bring their sister home..To show the boys all will be fine. I sence their anxiety also...

Michael as the time approaches I ask you to watch over mummy ad your precious sister. Please make he arrival as calm and peacful and beautiful as possible and bring her and myself home to your daddy and brothers.Mummy loves you always xx