Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Michael 4th Feb 2008: Most of the time I am OK. Most of the time, I live...
Michael 4th Feb 2008: Most of the time I am OK. Most of the time, I live...: Most of the time I am OK. Most of the time, I live and get on with things and enjoy and appreciate life for all it has given me and all that...
Most of the time I am OK. Most of the time, I live and get on with things and enjoy and appreciate life for all it has given me and all that I have . And its been great and I have been so blessed. Blessed with a loyal husband , blessed with healthy happy children . I have had the pleasure of raising boys and now a fiery, energetic pocket rocket of a girl who I absolutely adore but drives me mad at the same time. I have a beautiful home, a business that provides for my family. I have great family. We have grown to love and respect each other beyond the years of petty sibling arguments and amazing parents who have loved me and given me so much. I also am surrounded by amazing friends . Old and new. All the special people that were there when life was really hard for us to deal with and maybe we were too hard to be friends with. I have so much to be thankful for.
But today I feel ripped off . Totally ripped off and yeah this post may get a little negative and I won't apologise for that as this is how I feel. So consider this my official warning. If you cannot handle a negative post, well its time to switch off this blog. Today I need to feel this and I will allow myself that.
6 years ago my eldest child Giovanni was starting school. I had just found out that my baby I was carrying was gravely ill. I don't remember his first day very much. Yeah I was present, well physically but it was all so surreal. Its such an important milestone for any child. Watching them go off to Kindy and begin their life of learning and independence. Giovanni didn't cope very well. He cried and cried for a few days after he started and what made it worse was mummy two days after he started kindy was off to hospital to deliver Michael. It was highly intense and emotional time for us as a family . Watching my eldest accomplish his first milestone and saying good bye to my third child.
And so Michael was born and buried and life went on. And I had to assume the role of the Kindy mum, dropping off and picking up and dying inside. Why? Well their were so many pregnant women around. At school , friends and family member's all blossoming with their little bundles and yes it goes without saying, I was happy for them but I was dying inside. I remember the feeling. So numb. So out of it . That was the only way I could cope with this reality at that time. To stay numb.
So I feel slightly ripped off that I didn't get to remember and enjoy my eldest son first day at school. And bar a few photos, I really have no recollection of this important milestone.
And now six years later another harsh reality hits. Michael would have started school this year . This would have been a milestone for him and another Milestone that I did not get to share with one of my children. I feel sad. Sad that I didn't get the chance to dress him in a school uniform and walk him proudly into school. Sad that my family is without him. Sad that 6 years has gone by since I held him.
Till the day you fall from the sky and we are together again
Happy birthday sweet boy. Always in my heart and forever loved.
But today I feel ripped off . Totally ripped off and yeah this post may get a little negative and I won't apologise for that as this is how I feel. So consider this my official warning. If you cannot handle a negative post, well its time to switch off this blog. Today I need to feel this and I will allow myself that.
6 years ago my eldest child Giovanni was starting school. I had just found out that my baby I was carrying was gravely ill. I don't remember his first day very much. Yeah I was present, well physically but it was all so surreal. Its such an important milestone for any child. Watching them go off to Kindy and begin their life of learning and independence. Giovanni didn't cope very well. He cried and cried for a few days after he started and what made it worse was mummy two days after he started kindy was off to hospital to deliver Michael. It was highly intense and emotional time for us as a family . Watching my eldest accomplish his first milestone and saying good bye to my third child.
And so Michael was born and buried and life went on. And I had to assume the role of the Kindy mum, dropping off and picking up and dying inside. Why? Well their were so many pregnant women around. At school , friends and family member's all blossoming with their little bundles and yes it goes without saying, I was happy for them but I was dying inside. I remember the feeling. So numb. So out of it . That was the only way I could cope with this reality at that time. To stay numb.
So I feel slightly ripped off that I didn't get to remember and enjoy my eldest son first day at school. And bar a few photos, I really have no recollection of this important milestone.
And now six years later another harsh reality hits. Michael would have started school this year . This would have been a milestone for him and another Milestone that I did not get to share with one of my children. I feel sad. Sad that I didn't get the chance to dress him in a school uniform and walk him proudly into school. Sad that my family is without him. Sad that 6 years has gone by since I held him.
Till the day you fall from the sky and we are together again
Happy birthday sweet boy. Always in my heart and forever loved.
Saturday, December 21, 2013
A Christmas gift from an Angel
Well there are two angels involved in this story . The person who facilitated this and my baby who under no uncertain circumstances always reminds me how much he loves me and the fact that he is always around.
I am writing this blog post not only to share with you all my story and yes this blog serves a personal purpose for me, in that it keeps a log of all the beautiful connections I have from time to time with my baby but also to remind so many of you (and a few people on my friends list come to mind who have lost there loved ones recently) that they are in fact always around.
Do I believe this?
Always!!! Without a doubt and I know that the recently bereaved are told this all the time as a way to somehow reduce the pain they are experiencing but I am telling you first hand that they are, and being open and believing is the key to noticing their signs.
I have been fortunate enough to be reminded in so many ways that Michael is with me . But the way and the timing he does this still amazes me. I often say to Vince for such a little baby, who was born but never took a breath on this earth, he is such an amazing , powerful little man to orchestrate a chain of events to always get these precious gifts to me.
The best way for me to tell this story is to directly reveal the message that was sent to me by a very special earth Angel called Magda (I know she won't mind me sharing cause I have asked her permission) .
Earlier this month I received this message in my in box
"Hi Rita how are u? I have to tell u a little story to explain something that I have to give u . I must sound strange but I've been putting it off as I didn't know how to tell u about what happened one day when I was shopping at "masters" . OK ... I was having sad day a few months back and I went to masters to buy a flower to plant . I was looking around and this worker was pushing a loaded flat trolley with pots, plants, rocks etc . As he walked passed me a box fell at my feet ... I couldn't tell what was in it as it was upside down. I was going to pick it up but the guy beat me to it and apologised for dropping it on me. When I was going to pick it up ( you popped into my head & I had a strong sense of you ) .... I picked my plant and instead of going to the cash register I was being pulled in a different direction . I walked over to where the guy had left the trolley and without touching anything the box fell at my feet again & that same feeling of u . I bought the box - it has 3 stones in it each with something written on them . I bought another box for myself and have yours in a bag. I have had it for a few months and I didn't know how to approach you and tell u . I'm sorry it's taken me so long to message u , but I know these stones belong to u and I would like to give them to u . After I left from the shops I felt so clam and my sadness turned to understanding and I could breathe again . For whatever reason it was a message from something beyond my understanding but I am a believer . "
When I met up with Magda, seeing her face when she was explaining to me again, what had happened was so amazing. But I can't tell her how grateful I am that she chose to tell me. These events happened back in August but Magda felt it wasn't the right time to give to me and she trusted her guidance. She was right.
August 2013 was a time in my life when a very dark time/association of my past had resurfaced. The last few months as a result have been quite intense emotionally as I worked through my past and worked through the anger associated with it. Facing this part of yourself is so confronting and frightening. With this, came a few dark soul searching moments which again taught me so much and in the end my heart and the power of forgiveness (well and truly) led me to letting it all go and coming to peace with the events. This only happened late November. So Magda was right. The timing for me to receive this gift back in August was not right.
When I met up with Magda she proceeded to tell me how Michael had touched her and how honoured she was that he chose her as a channel to get these gifts to me. And this is what I received.
You could imagine, just when I had closed a very painful chapter in my life, to receive this from my baby, my angel was so profound. And again the timing!
So I guess the pictures says it all.
Thank you so much Magda for what you did for me. And I Can't wait to take you to Michaels grave. It means so much to me that my precious baby is acknowledged and remembered.
And to my baby, my angel. I love you more than words can say and I just want you to know that mummy is ready !
I am writing this blog post not only to share with you all my story and yes this blog serves a personal purpose for me, in that it keeps a log of all the beautiful connections I have from time to time with my baby but also to remind so many of you (and a few people on my friends list come to mind who have lost there loved ones recently) that they are in fact always around.
Do I believe this?
Always!!! Without a doubt and I know that the recently bereaved are told this all the time as a way to somehow reduce the pain they are experiencing but I am telling you first hand that they are, and being open and believing is the key to noticing their signs.
I have been fortunate enough to be reminded in so many ways that Michael is with me . But the way and the timing he does this still amazes me. I often say to Vince for such a little baby, who was born but never took a breath on this earth, he is such an amazing , powerful little man to orchestrate a chain of events to always get these precious gifts to me.
The best way for me to tell this story is to directly reveal the message that was sent to me by a very special earth Angel called Magda (I know she won't mind me sharing cause I have asked her permission) .
Earlier this month I received this message in my in box
"Hi Rita how are u? I have to tell u a little story to explain something that I have to give u . I must sound strange but I've been putting it off as I didn't know how to tell u about what happened one day when I was shopping at "masters" . OK ... I was having sad day a few months back and I went to masters to buy a flower to plant . I was looking around and this worker was pushing a loaded flat trolley with pots, plants, rocks etc . As he walked passed me a box fell at my feet ... I couldn't tell what was in it as it was upside down. I was going to pick it up but the guy beat me to it and apologised for dropping it on me. When I was going to pick it up ( you popped into my head & I had a strong sense of you ) .... I picked my plant and instead of going to the cash register I was being pulled in a different direction . I walked over to where the guy had left the trolley and without touching anything the box fell at my feet again & that same feeling of u . I bought the box - it has 3 stones in it each with something written on them . I bought another box for myself and have yours in a bag. I have had it for a few months and I didn't know how to approach you and tell u . I'm sorry it's taken me so long to message u , but I know these stones belong to u and I would like to give them to u . After I left from the shops I felt so clam and my sadness turned to understanding and I could breathe again . For whatever reason it was a message from something beyond my understanding but I am a believer . "
When I met up with Magda, seeing her face when she was explaining to me again, what had happened was so amazing. But I can't tell her how grateful I am that she chose to tell me. These events happened back in August but Magda felt it wasn't the right time to give to me and she trusted her guidance. She was right.
August 2013 was a time in my life when a very dark time/association of my past had resurfaced. The last few months as a result have been quite intense emotionally as I worked through my past and worked through the anger associated with it. Facing this part of yourself is so confronting and frightening. With this, came a few dark soul searching moments which again taught me so much and in the end my heart and the power of forgiveness (well and truly) led me to letting it all go and coming to peace with the events. This only happened late November. So Magda was right. The timing for me to receive this gift back in August was not right.
When I met up with Magda she proceeded to tell me how Michael had touched her and how honoured she was that he chose her as a channel to get these gifts to me. And this is what I received.
You could imagine, just when I had closed a very painful chapter in my life, to receive this from my baby, my angel was so profound. And again the timing!
So I guess the pictures says it all.
Thank you so much Magda for what you did for me. And I Can't wait to take you to Michaels grave. It means so much to me that my precious baby is acknowledged and remembered.
And to my baby, my angel. I love you more than words can say and I just want you to know that mummy is ready !
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