Why is it the the lead up to anniversaries , birthdays or other milestones So hard. For me I suppose its the reminiscing of the events leading up to Michael's birth . I really don't like living in the past and the now is a place were I am at my best . As soon as I start reliving the past or worrying about what the future may hold , I do feel a certain level of anxiety. But when your in the moment and you are taking in the beauty of your child's smile or the intense colour of that pretty pink flower.. that is what is real . That is the only moment in time you have control of and the only event you can change. The current moment .
But knowing all this I guess its our humanity that allows our mind to go back to the events of the past or why we are all so curious to what our future may hold . And I guess this is why for grieving parents the lead up to your Angel babies birthday is always so intense.
In saying all this and with four years under my belt of grieving my baby boy which I'd like to think of these days more as celebrating my baby boy . I can honestly say that the actual day Is never that bad . Perhaps because for that day you are so focused on celebrating your child ...for that day you are in the NOW that it was actually a beautiful day .
The day began with the sun shining . After a week long of rain , we could not help but celebrating the vision of the suns gorgeous rays . Michael brought the sun out for us and for this reason we could play .
Giovanni , Nicholas and Evangeline helped me make his cupcake and brownie birthday cake. The boys in particular enjoyed licking the spoon but Eva also got right in there helping to stir and contribute to the mess.Once Vince came home from work , we took the drive out to Rookwood with flowers and six balloons in hand. Upon arrival we tidied Michael's grave and in the mean time Eva managed to release 3 of the six balloons. We had a lovely peaceful afternoon at the cemetery , later taking a walk around the gardens and visiting Vince's Parents.
Last year for Michael's birthday my beautiful friend Keels from WA Sent Michael some gifts for his birthday. Amongst them was some sand from the children's Beach in WA Where Carly Marie takes photos of the Angel babies name in the sand . She also sent Michael some sea shells . Over the year I kept forgetting the sand at home when we went to the cemetery but finally for my babies 4th birthday , which felt so right we sprinkled the sand from The Children's beach over Michael's grave. This was very special and I felt very connected to my special friend in WA and her beautiful angel baby Tadgh x
|Nicholas sprinkling the sand|
I would also like to thank everyone who facebooked , messaged , rang , wrote poetry and sent gifts to Michael. It means so much to have him acknowledged. I cannot tell you how it warms my heart that those close to me take the time to remember Michael and read this blog .
This blog means so much to me . I feel like its a place I can write and dedicate to Michael .And in some ways helps me keep his memory alive and for this I am so grateful
Anna Karen the boys loved making Michael's Puzzle . And to Vivian , your poem was so beautiful . Thank you x
As you wake up in the morningand Michael is not here to see,you'll bake a cake & buy balloons,you'll burn a candle too.you'll imagine what the day would bring,if only he weren't gone.he'd run and laugh, and jump about,you'd sing the birthday song.He should be here today,excited as can be...Sifting through the toys and wrap,bursting forth with glee...But God had other plans for himthese plans, you'll never know.Today, the candle burns,...with no tiny lips to blow.It's Michael's birthday number Four.....He will always be in your heart and thoughtsJust as you will always be in my thoughtson this very precious day